Could there be more to this Ayurvedic thing than I initially thought? I have always been interested in the science of Ayurveda, the science of life. I think I felt unsure, however, as to whether I believed in the principles, especially if those principles applied to myself and the ailments (mostly psychological) that I suffer from (on an ongoing basis).
After the first weekend of yoga teacher training, I felt scared of Ayurveda. I felt as though it may be an answer to many of my issues, however I felt afraid that I would never be able to live up to the demanding structure that is an Ayurvedic lifestyle. I was unsure if I could sacrifice my current way of life for that of a more holistic nature. Diet, asana, pranayama, no sugar/alcohol/caffeine etc. It seems a daunting task. Life is so busy. I feel as though I'm pulled this way and that - my body, my mind and my spirit. There is no, or at least very little, sense of home within myself.
This weekend, my third weekend of yoga teacher training, I recognize that this is the issue. My unwillingness to address the issue of not knowing who I am, what I am and where I am. I am seldom present because I feel pulled this way and that. I seldom feel grounded. I do not take the time, I do not put forth the effort, I do not seek pure prana. This time, effort and energy is necessary for me to experience contentment. I do not want to be present - I need it.
What I've come to realize is that my sadhana, my regular daily practice, is for me. It does not have to reflect anyone else's sadhana. Ayurveda is a science of living well, and living well looks different to everyone. We are all part of this universe, we are all intertwined, but we all have unique and beautiful souls. My intention is to discover what living well means to my soul. Reaching contentment is not easy or hard. It is a process of self discovery and this process manifests as it should, in the time it should. The sacrifices I am required to make are scary because I haven't uncovered my truth. Once I discover this inner divinity, I will feel at home within myself. Home is a place I desire to be, and so I must be willing to commit the time, effort and energy necessary to find my way back to this place of contentment. My sadhana is the path, my own personal sadhana, which is authentic to my being. Commitment signed.
The honest learnings and raw reflections of my practice and my life. Unedited.