My sankulpa revolves around setting my spirit free - free from the blockages and barriers that prevent it from flourishing, from achieving contentment. I need to make my intention strong. So strong in fact, that it is able to withstand the harsh winds of my ailed psyche. The winds are strong and relentless. They have known no challenge. My intention needs to be their challenge. My intention needs to root itself firmly in the earth and stand tall. Unmovable. Unshakable. Solid. It needs to be a pillar of hope and love in the war between necessity and pressure. Because pressure is prevailing and commanding and it will not back down. I mustn’t be scared, for I am one with the mountains.
Dedication to inner peace is difficult. The one state, which we consciously or subconsciously desire to be in, is challenging to approach, let alone arrive at. I want to feel as though my body, mind and spirit are connected and in balance, however it is easier to think of this concept than it is to put the concept into action. I am realizing that life appears incredibly complex despite it being very simplistic. There is the here. There is the now. There is this. Nothing more or nothing less. But there are memories and impressions as well anticipation and worry, which facilitate suffering - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. A subjective objective of mine, moving forward, is to use the breath to ground, to connect and to introspect inwards. It is to exist, as I am in this moment - to view life in a simpler way, a more minimalistic way.
Curiosity is flowing into my spirit without effort, without strain, without hesitation to halt. The more I learn about this endearing, almost mystical way of life - yogic life - the more I desire to align my energy, both intentionally and unintentionally with this divine power that I am coming to appreciate and recognize, and furthermore long to become better acquainted with.
I know I am where I am meant to be. I know my life has been setting me up for this phase of liberation. It may not happen, to any extent, any time soon, but I do feel as though the prospect is visible in the horizon. I have work to do. Deep, internal work; I feel prepared for that - ready. I don't feel as alone now. I feel as though I am now on divinity's radar. By divinity I refer to my own intrinsic sense of a higher power. A higher power whose energy flows through me, giving me life.
I vow to move forward with a greater desire to practice stillness, ease, kindness and love. I desire to improve my person by striving to uncover my individual truth. I want to experience contentment in my everyday endeavours. I want to experience contentment being me, as is, now.
I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to take my training with such a beautiful and insightful group of beings. I am thrilled and appreciative to be learning from yogic practitioners as knowledgeable, compassionate and dedicated as Jai and Aman - I feel blessed to receive their time and attention.
Additionally I am thankful for Jai, Aman and the groups recognition that, "the more I know, the less I know." To be honest this couldn't feel more true for myself - the more I learn about this enlightened path, the more I realize I know very little. What's beautiful though, is my ability to now accept that I know very little, and that is ok.
Inner tension is a pain in the ass. There are little feelings I find more uncomfortable, more distracting and more unbearable than inner tension.
For me, inner tension typically manifests when my personal morals, beliefs and values conflict with what my irrational mind is telling me I should do, what I need to do, what I want to do. Inner tension is a voice in my head that pressures me in the same way peers pressure you to stay up late, drink alcohol and lie to your parents when you're in high school. Your gut tells you to do one thing, but that nagging whisper in your ear is capable of convincing you to do otherwise.
The honest learnings and raw reflections of my practice and my life. Unedited.