A bittersweet weekend. A weekend filled with firsts and familiars. A weekend filled with love and with tears. My first full yoga class has been taught, I have my certificate in hand, I am a certified yoga teacher. Four months ago this all felt so far away. I felt as though I had so much ground to cover, so much to learn and to process, so much to hear, say and do. Four months ago I thought I had to cover that ground, learn and process that information, hear, say and do those things. Four months ago, those were my expectations. Today I graduate, with more ground to cover, more things to learn and process, more to hear, say and do than I could have ever imagined entering teachers training. Through the past four months of yoga teacher training I have come to acknowledge, accept and embrace that I know very little and that no matter how much I learn and experience, I will still know very little. It’s a little bit frustrating, a little bit annoying, a little bit discouraging. But it’s also incredibly uplifting. I am ok with knowing very little. I am ok with always knowing very little. Because I know I am exactly where I am meant to be. I am meant to know what I know. And I am meant to do what I do with what I know. The other day I read the words, “I dare you to trust what you know.” Four months of yoga teacher training and I accept that dare. I accept that dare with a strengthening body, an opening heart, a curious mind and a happy spirit.
Thank you to my teachers Jai Kai and Aman Rai. I would not be where I am in life without you. Upon first emailing Jai about the training, he told me that many have found the program transformational. My first teacher training was truly the catalyst for positive personal growth. I am forever grateful for having learned from you both.
Thank you to my yoga family. The group of eight whom I shared so much with over the past four months. The immediate connection I felt to our tribe was profound and endearing. I learned so much from each of you and I am forever appreciative for being in your presence.
I move forward unsure of the route I will take. None of the avenues I’ve previously meandered down feel quite right anymore. It’s time for an new adventure.
Move. Breathe. Be.
Time passes. No matter who you are, what you are, where you are, how you are, why you are the way you are. This moment, and this moment, and this moment, and this moment, every single individual moment exists as a mere speck of existence at any given point on an infinite spectrum of time. What will happen in the next moment is unknown. It’s unpredictable and mysterious. We literally have no idea if we will even be physically alive tomorrow, in an hour, in even a minute. It scares a lot of people. It can make a lot of people angry or frustrated. Time passing. It also motivates a lot of people. It can soothe people too. Passing time makes us feel, think and act in different ways. Our reaction to time passing is utterly dynamic. But the fact that time is passing, time will always pass, is constant and consistent. No matter how much you dread a certain time approaching or anticipate a particular time of excitement, the time will come and the time will go. As swift as a fox slipping into the thicket line on a dim winter’s eve.
I have come to recognize, appreciate and embrace this concept through yoga teacher training. I have come to understand that no moment is the same. All moments are unique and authentic to the time and place. What I have also come to acknowledge is that this moment, this exact moment in time, is the only moment that really exists. It is the only moment we can factually know. It is the only time we can think, feel and act. And then it’s gone. And a new moment sweeps in. Taking over. Manifesting in its own inimitable way.
We can worry, we can be anxious, we can anticipate and revere. But we can never be in those moments that we are postulating about for they’ve either already passed or they haven’t become. Anxiety and worry receives its power from us. From our modifying mind tying stories to moments we cannot possibly conceive. It is within you to bring yourself back to this moment - this unique, authentic moment, the only moment that truly exists. How do you feel now? Are you healthy now? Are you happy now? Are you safe now?
Time passes. No matter who you are, what you are, where you are, how you are, why you are the way you are. So be, now, here, this. Just be.
The honest learnings and raw reflections of my practice and my life. Unedited.