I've made the decision. I begin my 200hr YTT in September.
I've wanted to immerse myself in yoga since I first took to the mat when I was eighteen. I wasn't ready then though. There was too much inner conflict and identity confusion to go there. I had digging to do, people to meet, places to go and obstacles to overcome before I was able to fully connect with the discipline; before I could commit to connecting with the discipline.
Here I am, nearly five years later. Feeling ready. I have no doubt that I still have more digging to do, people to meet, places to go and obstacles to overcome, but I feel prepared to integrate a deeper practice into that journey.
I think the determinant factor in me being ready is knowing that my journey is never ending. Life is learning; infinite learning. About yourself, about others, about nature and about the transcendental. Life is about transformation. Transformation that leads to enlightenment. And transformation happens as it should. It always happens as it should.
I'm nervous - about taking my YTT. But I'm nervous about superficial, tangible aspects of the experience. The time, the associated costs, future work pressure, those kinds of things. I am not worried about the learning, about the process, about the practicing, about the adventure. Realizing this sealed the deal. I am only nervous about the deadlines, the things with beginnings and ends. I am not nervous about the transformation I may be granted by taking this program. In fact, I feel excited for it. There is no ending to this endeavour. It is a continual, winding path of self discovery. Feeling content with embarking down a new avenue of this process, is assuring and inspiring.
I will take my YTT with the intention of digging deeper, meeting more people, going more places, and overcoming old, existing and future obstacles. Now and forever. I'm ready because I recognize I'm as ready as I can be.
The honest learnings and raw reflections of my practice and my life. Unedited.