It's been a while since I've written here. A result of being busy - really 'effing busy.
And while I was that busy I let the very things that help me cope with the stress of being busy go. My personal yoga and meditation practiced waned, I stopped eating properly, I wasn't sleeping, I stopped communicating with those close to me, I quite literally wasn't making time for the things that make me healthy and happy. I was letting myself burn out physically, mentally and emotionally.
Letting myself - those are the key words. I was letting myself burn out.
So, I stopped letting myself.
It crossed my mind earlier today that most things in my life happen because I make them happen. So, if I want something different to happen all it takes is the decision to make things different. Done and done. My mind complicates this equation a lot, but if I really stop and consider what the true me needs and wants the answer is usually pretty clear. When I stop the train of what ifs from pulling into my mental station I can usually hear what my heart is telling me - that it's time to make things different.
Different can be scary. It can be terrifying. But it can also be amazing and uplifting and transformational and joyous. And if we decide to not make things different - when we listen to the what ifs - we risk never experiencing the ups that can come from taking a different path.
These intensely moving and life changing ups are what fuel greatness. We make the decision to embrace something different and no matter what we move forward. It'll rain and puddles will undoubtedly appear on the road, but you put your rubber boots on and you stomp through them to the other side. You make the decision to make things different - you make it to the other side of that puddle - a side that is different from the side you were first standing on. Growth.
This week there was a death in my family and instead of running from the grieving process (like I normally would) I tried my very hardest to sit with the feelings. I made the decision to try something different.
This week I quit my job because it didn't feel right, my heart was somewhere else. I made the decision to try something different.
This week I hummed and hawed over the new yoga schedule, wondering if people would like what I was planning on offering until I just said teach what feels good to teach. I made the decision to try something different.
I was letting myself burn out. So, I stopped letting myself. I made the decision to try something different.
And although I don't anticipate (maybe, but I withhold expectation) that anything unbelievably amazing will happen right away as a result of these decisions to try something different I am not standing where I was before. I'm on new ground. I've moved forward and now there's the opportunity for exploration, adventure and those profoundly inspiriting ups to manifest. It might not happen right away but good will come from making the decision to try something different.
The honest learnings and raw reflections of my practice and my life. Unedited.